The runaway worshipper

bdsm D/s relation Mistress slave Goddess worshipper
In my previous articles i told somewhat about my training at the Academy for slaves. While i was in training, my life began to change. i learned Supreme Goddess Lorena has a monthly Lorenaism calendar that is very helpful for slaves who want to worship Her. i begged Her to send me the calendar, and i began to follow it. i wanted to do some slave work for Her, and after i begged for it a few times She was so kind to give me permission to do some webwork for Her. In that period my colleagues began to see i was changing: i was in a better shape and more attentive in general. That was what i was feeling too.
If i am honest, i must say it wasn’t just a change of ‘mood’ that could quickly change again. Deep inside i knew my personality had changed. i asked Supreme Goddess Lorena to write an article about it, and i was surprised to find it published on Her website.
But than, suddenly, i stopped with all this. i didn’t engage in a next training program, i stopped following the Lorenaism calendar, i stopped doing the webwork. There certainly wasn’t a specific reason or cause why i stopped. I just… stopped.
Certainly, i can’t say Supreme Goddess Lorena disappointed me in some way or another. Just the opposite: i was convinced She gave me more then i could have ever hoped for. In the article that is now published on Academyforslaves.com i wrote that by making me accept my submission She added a dimension to my personality. i felt grateful to Her, but at the same time… i just left the Academy.
If i look back at it, i understand what was happening. Intuitively i felt my life was changing, and if i continued i couldn’t resist the changes that where happening. On the one hand i wanted these changes. After all, i am a man with submissive feelings, and now i had found Someone who cared for my submission. On the other hand, i couldn’t handle the change in my life. i began to understand that my life really would change. You can find many BDSM-websites that cater for the fetishes of submissive men. And a big part of the so called BDSM-scene is also about these fetishes. But Supreme Goddess Lorena demands true submission, She wants Her needs served, She wants Her worshippers to adhere to true Female Supremacy. And that was simply to much to me at that moment.
So, i did what most men do if they are asked to make a true emotional commitment… i ran away… without even leaving a word for the Woman who gave me so much… And so i proofed by my behaviour one of the points Supreme Goddess Lorena is making… And i did what most men do when running away from an emotional commitment: i began to masturbate like a bonobo in the zoo, i surfed the internet wildly in search for the most exiting images of Dommes…
Now i understand that what i did was wrong. Certainly it was wrong to run away and even not explaining and apologizing with Supreme Goddess Lorena for my rude behaviour. After more then a year –and long before i re-entered the Academy- i finally wrote Her an e-mail to offer my excuses. And when i finally decided to re-enter, i apologized again. Supreme Goddess Lorena accepted my apologies, and i am grateful to Her for Her forgiveness. Offering excuses and being excused is a private matter: it is between the person who made an offence and the person who is offended.
But in this case i want to apologize again in the more public setting of this weblog. i was a male running away from a most wonderful Woman, and males do this to often. This rude behaviour alone makes us ‘lowly’ males. By making my excuses i accept i am a lowly male. By making them in public, i hope more men will take this step.
Running away was not only wrong against Supreme Goddess Lorena. It was wrong against myself too. Supreme Goddess Lorena made me understand submission is a powerful dimension of my personality and She showed me a way to give that dimension its proper place. And just because i was afraid where this way would lead me, i ran downhill in the opposite direction. Now that i decided to go uphill again, i understand what i was missing in these 18 months. i was missing personal growth as a slave and a worshipper of Supreme Goddess Lorena. Throwing away this opportunity for personal growth is doing wrong against my own person. i have to face the fact that i did this. And the best way to do this is simply admit it, and than going on, going uphill where Supreme Goddess Lorena is residing. And the only way uphill is serving and worshipping Her.