e-Trust and e-Confidentiality - the difficult life of a cyberslave

bdsm slave Mistress worshipper Goddess training trainer submissive chastity money slavery lowly male penis goddessclub academy for slavesSupreme Goddess Lorena and i have a cyberrelationship. That means that until now we didn’t meet face to face. And most probably we never will meet face to face. Some/most people oppose ‘cyber’-relationships to ‘real life’-relationships. As if ‘cyber’ hasn’t become a part of our ‘real life’. i disagree with this vision. I am fully aware i have a ‘cyber’-relationship, and i am fully aware this relationship is affecting my ‘real life’. It is just that growing part of my ‘real life’ that isn’t face to face. (It is not because i am into webbanking, and my bank even discourages me to have face to face contact with their employees that my money and the bills i have to pay become less real.)

Of course a ‘cyber’-relationship has it’s limitations. Of course being able to meet ‘face to face’ (or in our case maybe ‘face to feet’) would add something to the relationship. And because i feel a certain dynamic in our relationship i hope it can grow. As a Superior Woman Supreme Goddess Lorena has a right to be served in all Her daily doings by sincere slaves. And i dare say with some more training and a little bit of discipline i would be a good slave to Her. At least, for some of Her needs. But we just aren’t face to face, so i can serve Her in that way. That is a fact, and that is a limitation on our relationship. So, we have to deal with it.

Other ‘facts’ make up for other ‘limitations’, at least from my point of view. Supreme Goddess Lorena is in a ‘one to many’-relationship with Her slaves. She has a very strict rule that any male who wants to be Her slave, must exclusively serve Her. She owns a few slaves, and trains a lot of them. It is the mission of Supreme Goddess Lorena to train as many men as possible to be slaves to the superior needs of Women. Everyone who wants to serve Her, must support Her mission and hence accept that She trains many slaves. And if one is serious about serving Supreme Goddess Lorena, it is obvious that no single slave can serve all Her needs. So it is normal She owns at least a few of them. By owning many slaves Supreme Goddess Lorena overcomes the limitations of any single slave, and that is Her right. At the same time, every slave hopes to be ‘special’ or ‘the special one’ in the eyes of the Goddess. But that is logically impossible and hence for the slave a limitation to the relationship.

Maybe it is even a general rule of relationships (not exclusively for D/s relationships): if one engages in a relationship it means one makes the choice to deal with the limitations of it. If one is falling foolishly in love, there seems to be no limitations to the relationship. If in a relationship that stands for some years there is still love, this means both partners have found a way to deal with limitations. Limitations of the other person. Limitations of oneself. Limitations of the situation. Maybe dealing with limitations is even the beauty of a relationship. Because after all that is the fuel for the dynamics of the relationship.

What i am writing here sounds very rational. But it is not how i feel at this moment. At this moment i am struggling with the limitations of my relationship as a cyberslave to Supreme Goddess Lorena. Just because i feel Her domination over me hasn’t reached it’s limits yet, and my submission to Her hasn’t reached it’s limits, i feel the limitations the internet puts on our relationship as a burden. The limitation that i am stuck with has a name: trust.

The more a relationship gets personal the more trust is at stake. If you don’t trust someone, you try not to get involved in a personal way with him or Her. Of course the internet has a problem of trust. It is easy to fake a personality at the internet. The internet even encourages us to do so. By choosing a nickname at a forum, by given us the opportunity to create (or ‘buy’) us a personality in SecondLife. And in general people want to trust the ‘real’ person, not the ‘fake’ person.

The choice Supreme Goddess Lorena is making to train many slaves trough the internet makes the problem of trust bigger for Her. Between the many slaves She meets through the internet there must be some ‘fake ones’ and even in the group of honest slaves, there will be some who begin to stalk their Divine Mistress once She shows to much confidentiality to Her slaves. So because Supreme Goddess Lorena makes the choice to train many slaves, She makes a reasonable choice to put limitations on the degree of trust and confidentiality She shows to any of Her slaves in particular. By accepting the terms and conditions of my slavery to Her, i accept all the consequences of it.

Again, some (or many) people say that just because the internet puts such a great trust and confidentiality problem, that opposes cyberrelationships to real life relationships. Again, i do not agree. Also in ‘face to face’ life people love to experiment with personalities. And that puts the problem of which of the personalities a person is showing is the ‘real’ personality and the ‘fake’ personality. And also in face to face relationships we want to give our trust to the ‘real’ person. Think of the very romantic lover who turns out to be just another jerk right after marriage. And honestly, i think that in this example it is even impossible to decide which of the personalities is the ‘real’ one, the romantic lover or the jerk.

So the things that play in my cyberrelationship to Supreme Goddess Lorena are the same one that play in face to face relationships for centuries. Over time we have learned to ‘check’ for trust in face to face relationships. Mothers could at least try to warn Their Daughters that romantic lovers could turn into just the same kind of jerk Their father is. In cyberrelatonsships we are the ‘first generation’: no one can teach us how to ‘check’ for trust. We have the ‘privilege’ to find it out for ourselves.

I feel i can submit more to Supreme Goddess Lorena. I feel She can dominate me more. Just at this moment the way we relate shows the limitations it puts on an ‘easy going’ development of our relationship. It brings me in a strange mood. If it brings also some inspiration to think about the ‘reality’ cyberrelationships and face to face relationship share, well maybe i contributed a little bit to the sloppy learning curve of trust and confidentiality on the internet.